Hellooooo – have you missed me?
Well folks – summer is here – and in true summer fashion it is currently absolutely persisting it down!
As ever, the people of the colonies do things “by the book”. It amuses me no end. The official first day of summer was 21st June (longest day) – this is the “official” day that your pool (if you have one) is put to use. Some brave and uncivilised souls have the cheek to use their pools before this date. How dare they I wonder? – somebody, somewhere will have something to say about that – these reprobates will probably get labelled with the worst insult that a person can be lumped with – A Liberal! Goodness me, can you think of anything worse? A liberal here is somebody who actually lives in the real world, a person who has ideas, is willing to try new things, is inclusive, tolerant and willing to listen to all sides – as opposed to a person who is living in the past, failing to move with the times, stuck in the mud, misogynistic, racist, religious bigot. (I am aware that this is a HUGE generalisation but it holds true in so many cases).
Moving swiftly back to the point, said pools will be closed down for winter on Labour Day (or thereabouts) – I REFUSE to spell it Labor – which this year is on September 4th. Now I wonder what is the season between September 4th and the official first day of Autumn which is to be 22nd September? OK it is a short little period of time but it is a no-mans land of a season…… “Pre-Autumn Fortnight”? Mind you, there’s word that the colonists don’t understand – fortnight. I have to stop myself from using it now – used it once or twice and as usual I got the blank stares.
But maybe the blank stares were the normal expression – just thought of that. 🙂
There are a number of words that are worth using here just to see the expressions on the faces – here are a few of my favourites.
Marvellous – apparently you can substitute that hideous word Awesome – NOPE
Tap – Faucet – NOPE – why don’t they say “on Faucet” for a beer that is a draught beer but no, “on tap” is used.
Lift – sometimes this is understood to mean what we all think it means, other times not so much.
Pavement/Path – no idea – you must have the simpleton’s version of “side-walk” because you are going to walk in the middle of the road which is covered with “black top” which in proper English is Tarmac. What’s that game show that used to be on TV – some bloke would stand there and say, “say what you see”…..???? Anyway, that is the exact same attitude to naming some things here.
Specs – not a hope
Guide-dog – what’s not to understand there? Seeing Eye Dog – (trips off the tongue very well) … you would hope that the dog has seeing eyes otherwise it wouldn’t be of much use to the blind person it is guiding
UK – commonly misunderstood to be Ukraine – with hilarious results. You must specify England, Scotland, Ireland (lumped together) or Wales (but I’m not sure they have heard of Wales – sorry Welsh persons)
Quarter/Half past/Quarter to – Not very difficult. But lets give the benefit of the doubt and say it depends on how you are taught to tell the time. Digital or with hands…..
There are numerous others but let me point you in the direction of Michael McIntyre – he did a routine about this sort of thing – covered quite a few. Clips available on YouTube. Might give you a laugh or might not – depends on your sense of humour I suppose. 😀
Yesterday’s weather was so disgustingly hot and humid, so even though I started off by mentioning the rain today – I am at least not hiding indoors with the air conditioning working its bollocks off (well, it would be if it had any). We had a very pleasant dog walk this morning and Lord Pickford found yet more treasure
– he is a funny boy. If he could have fit the other one that was left on the field in his mouth, he would have brought that one too. However, he has a small, delicate little mouth – with the most enormous tongue which barely fits. I have to hide these rounders balls as they are too hard to throw for the boy – he already has blunt teeth from all the tennis ball catching – if we played catch with these he would have no teeth. The girls on the other hand – well Lula-Boo is very partial to the balls that the hideous neighbours use when playing rounders in the back garden. Now please bear in mind that these “children” are in their twenties – having said that, they do have a mental age of around 7. Anyone would think that the end of the world is happening – I honestly thought that people grew out of getting all upset about being “out” or having a home-run disputed. But how you can hit a home run when you don’t even run is somewhat beyond my brain capabilities. I have made this judgement on age from listening to their conversations – when I say listening, I mean not being able to avoid hearing their conversations as the volume control appears to be broken!
The balls that are used for this back garden version of rounders – oooops sorry – the very important, highly anticipated “World Series” played out most evenings, is a flimsy white plastic thing with holes in it, similar to this one here. Now just imagine that in the face of a Mad Italian – don’t hold out much hope of the ball surviving for very long. Numerous of these have ended up in our garden and at first I did round them up and put them back over the fence. I have stopped now and have an ever-growing number of them lurking in the coat cupboard. If I am in the right frame of mind when I leave these shores – then possibly I may tip them all back over the fence. Or I might not. Probably the latter…… Some have unfortunately ended up slightly misshapen – strong jaws on an Italian you know. Perhaps it will be these I tip back over the fence. One of the numerous times that they were discussing the importance of having the right balls (insert boggled mind here) I was reliably informed that these particular specimens are available to purchase for $20 for 8. What a bargain! Plus the obligatory tax I assume.
Don’t get me started on that issue – we could be here for a fortnight.
Okie kokie folks – time to love you and leave you.
Speak soon people – have a fab weekend. x